First of all, I’d like to start by saying thank you for clicking on this after seeing it was for the loved ones in my life. It makes my heart happy to know that you know you are loved by me. If you don’t know me…well let’s just say you’re about to. Warning: I am about to spill out my heart. After all, I’ve always been told that wearing your heart on your sleeve is worth it.
I’m sensitive, surprise! If you know only one thing about me, you probably know I’m as sensitive as they get. I don’t take sarcasm easily, I take everything to heart, and quite frankly, I cry. A lot. I’m extremely emotional and don’t take things very lightly. To my loved ones who try to crack jokes and I take offense, don’t take it personally.
I have major anxiety. I’m a full-blown crazy worry-wart. If there’s a 98% chance something is going to happen, you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be fixated on that 2% chance that it’s not going to. I’m not very good at looking on the bright side. If I get on my worry high, there’s no getting me down. Whether it’s worrying about being late, over-dressed, under-dressed, money, class, exams, or even what I’m having for supper, I will be anxious. To my loved ones who try and tell me to calm down but I snap and say I simply can’t, don’t take it personally.
On top of my anxiety, I struggle with depression. Ask me what my favorite thing to do is and I’ll tell you laying in my bed. Ask me what my plans are for the weekend and I’ll say I’ll be in bed all weekend. Having fun can sometimes just be too much work. Of course I want to go out with friends, live, and enjoy being young. However, the dark cloud hovering over me tells me I’m happier in bed. I feel chained, completely enslaved. I’m a prisoner inside of my own head. I love to think of myself as a social butterfly, but there will be periods where I can go days without coming in contact with anyone. I fall through with plans constantly, not because I don’t want to, but because of that nasty cloud. I’m constantly tired, but it’s a kind of tired that sleep can’t fix. To my loved ones who I always cancel plans with, don’t take it personally.
Anxiety is when you care too much about everything. Depression is when you don’t really care about anything. Having both is just plain hell.
Indecisiveness controls me. I like it, but I don’t. I want it, but I don’t. I’m fine, but I’m not. None of it matters, but it does. I am constantly going back and forth. No matter what it’s about, I can’t make a clear cut decision. I think I have my mind made up, but then I overthink until I am no longer sure. I can never pick something and stick with it. One day I’ll say I love something, and the next I’ll absolutely despise it. There’s no knowing with me. To my loved ones who I say one thing but go and do another, don’t take it personally.
Migraines will literally be the death of me. If I had to describe a migraine, I would say it’s the worst hangover imaginable, without the enjoyment of drinking the night before. I get violently ill, and am bedridden. My migraines can last for a couple hours, couple days, or sometimes for a couple weeks. This past December I had a migraine for 13 days straight. I couldn’t get up to go to class, couldn’t keep anything down, and felt like a screwdriver was going through my temples whenever I opened my eyes. I find myself having to cancel plans due to a migraine. I get these lovely genetics from my poor mama who suffers from chronic migraines as well. To my loved ones who I have to bail on due to a migraine, don’t take it personally.
Well folks, there ya have it. It’s so easy to believe someone doesn’t have many trials they have to go through. We are a generation so consumed in posting pictures, statuses, and tweets, trying to put on a facade that we are happy and constantly in love with life. But, let’s be real. Nobody has it perfect. It’s okay to not always be okay. Are there things that I wish I could change about myself? DUH. But should I hate myself for all my drawbacks? Absolutely not. We all face hardships at one time or another, don’t take it personally.
The Lord God is my strength, my bravery. He will walk me through places of trouble and suffering ~ Habakkuk 3:19