4, 3, 2, 1

4- It’s already been four years since the morning I woke up with the news. I remember like it was yesterday. I checked my phone, like I do every morning and I saw a message: “Abby.. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma.” What? What about my grandma? My cousin Logan was staying at my house and I yelled into the other room, “Logan, is grandma okay?” There was a long pause, then finally he uttered the three words I did not want to hear.

3- “You didn’t hear?” … I knew exactly what those three words meant. Cancer had taken my grandma’s life. I ran upstairs to my parent’s room, crying, pleading for them to tell me it wasn’t true. My grandma had been battling lung cancer and unfortunately passed away on the morning of September 24, 2011. I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry. Angry at my parents for not telling me, resulting in me finding out from someone who wasn’t family. Angry at God for taking my grandma, someone who fought so hard for her life while others said she couldn’t do it. Angry at the world for continuing whilst my whole world had come to a screeching halt.

2- Two years. My grandma lived for two years after finding out she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Her doctors told her that she would only live 6 months. My grandma was a tough cookie, after-all, she did have to keep up with my grandpa. Some days were obviously worse than others, but you wouldn’t even know the difference with her. My grandma was strong, brave, hopeful, and courageous. She could have easily let cancer defeat her in the beginning, but she persevered. She knew she had more to do, more to see, more to give, and more to love. Unfortunately, my younger cousins do not have as many memories with her, unlike the older cousins. However, they will grow up knowing that without-a-doubt, my grandma’s love for all of us was and is unconditional.

1- Faith. There is no denying that my grandma was a fighter. She didn’t want to leave us, nor did we want her to leave. Looking back, I have come to realize how selfish that was of us. Yes, something would definitely be wrong if we didn’t want her to stay with us on Earth. But, how blind were we that we thought we knew what was better for her than God? Sick, weak, frail, in constant pain… All because we were not ready for her to go. Did we forget that she would be going to be with our Savior, be healthy, strong, restored, full of laughter, full of happiness? Of course I constantly find myself wondering why. Why my grandma? Why such a painful disease? Why so soon? Why at all? It is one of the easiest things in the world to question God. But, who are we to question the One that has always been there for us and will always continue to be? Faith in God includes faith in His timing. All we can do is have faith—faith in God, faith in His intentions, and faith in ourselves to trust what is.

“Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is absolutely ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending” -Francis Chan

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{Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you — I love you so much}

Valarie K. Stockwell

January 1942-September 2011

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Published by: abby lynn

Hi, all. Thank you for clicking on my page! First things first, my name is Abby Stockwell, and I am a senior at Minnesota State University Mankato. I am majoring in journalism, and hope one day to work for WorldVision (look it up, it's super cool.) I enjoy to jot down my thoughts and share them with others; Enjoy!

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